You're My Fool
by milady-milord
Summary: Set during the war, a couple months after Cora and Robert had an unfortunate Christmas incident, Robert comes back when he hears Cora is having a hard time coping. Continuation of a drabble from tumblr.


This is my first drabble, so I'm sorry if it's not very good! Also, I'm sure there's a ton of grammatical errors in this, so sorry about that in advance! I was inspired by a drabble written by Ohtobealady on tumblr:

post/133728997315/cora-tries-to-persuade-robert-not-to-go-on-war

This is a continuation, set several months after that incident. Please read the first drabble if you want to understand what's going on. Hope you like it!

* * *

She had stopped telling him to come home. She had stopped writing "I miss you" at the end of every letter to him since that unfortunate Christmas. In fact, she never really told him anything about herself. Of course, she told him about the girls, mama, and Downton; however, she stopped writing to him about how she was doing and how she felt. That was the thing that broke Robert's heart. Ever since that last Christmas where he yelled at her in front of the girls, mama, Rosamund and Marmaduke, she had stopped unloading her feelings into her letters to him. She still wrote to him often – three times a week, sometimes more – but she seemed distant compared to how her letters had been like before. Of course he knew that this was his entire fault. He shouldn't have yelled at her, especially on Christmas when it was supposed to be a joyous occasion for her and for all the girls – his darling, darling girls. But he couldn't help it; he couldn't stop his inner demons from coming out. He still felt so terribly, terribly guilty about what he had done, regretting his words as soon as they came out of his mouth. But he couldn't stop them, like bile rising in his throat; they just spewed out until there was nothing left inside of him. He and Cora never discussed what happened; she just held him in her arms so lovingly, while he sobbed and sobbed and held on to her like she was a life preserver. She was – she was his life preserver in this sea of suffering and death. The only thing that motivated him in this bloody, ugly war was her face, her beautiful, soft face with a loving smile that never seemed to waver despite all his mistakes.

Mama had written to him, telling him how worried she was about Cora coping with the girls and everything else. Mama told him to come home soon for she wasn't certain how much longer Cora could hold up under the weight of it all. As soon as Robert read it, he felt his guilt surge through his blood once more. After that incident, she didn't feel like she could tell him how she was feeling. She didn't ask him to come home, no matter how much she wanted him to, and he knew why. God, he was such a fool. How did he manage to get such a lovely, beautiful, strong wife like Cora? He didn't deserve her.

The car pulled up to the front of the house, and he felt a sense of relief at being home where he belonged, at least for a couple of days. There was nobody outside greeting him as he had told nobody except mama that he was coming. Just as Robert stepped out of the car, the door opened and Carson scurried out to carry his suitcase and collect his hat and coat.

"Good evening, milord! We had no idea you were coming. We would have alerted the whole house had we known."

Robert chuckled. "That's alright, Carson. It's not your fault I didn't tell anyone. I wanted this to be a surprise. Do you know where Lady Grantham is?"

"She's in the library with Lady Mary, Lady Edith and Lady Sybil, milord."

"Perfect. That'll be all, Carson." Robert was walking through the great hall when he heard loud voices coming from the library. Seeing that the library was slightly ajar, he peered into the room to see what was going on. Cora was standing near the settee, her back to him, and the girls were on the floor arguing loudly.

"Mama, tell her that this is my doll and she can't play with it!"

"No mama! She won't share, and you always tell us that young ladies share their toys with everyone!"

Cora had her fists clenched at her sides, and replied with an uncharacteristic shout that surprised both Robert and the girls.  
"Girls! I have a headache and all this racket is doing nothing to help! Go to your room! Can't you let me have a bit of quiet just for a moment?!"

Robert saw tears begin to form in the girls' eyes, as their mama was always soft and gentle with them, and never yelled at them, ever. He assumed she would soften as soon as soon as she saw tears begin to form, but she never wavered.

"Go! Right now!" The girls, sensing their mother was having a moment, scurried out of the room to find their nanny so that they could be comforted. As soon as the girls had left, Cora crumpled onto the settee and began to sob loudly. Robert felt his heart breaking at the sight of his dearest one so broken and sad. Feeling the need to comfort her, he quietly walked through the door and kneeled by the settee.

"Oh, my darling one," he began to softly stroke her hair that had come undone from its intricate up-do when she collapsed on the settee. Immediately, Cora froze at his touch.

"…Robert?" She called out hesitantly.

"Yes, my darling Cora?"

At his words, she immediately straightened and whirled around, finding herself face to face with those beautiful, blue eyes she loved.

"Oh, Robert!" She cried, flinging her arms around his neck as he nestled her face into his chest, breathing in his scent of sandalwood and musk. "Robert, I missed you so."

After several minutes, Robert gently pushed her away so that he could look into her eyes that were reddened from her crying just moments earlier.

"Darling, why were you crying?"

Cora's eyes flicked downwards, "I don't know what you mean."

"Darling, I saw everything. I saw…the girls…" He left the words unsaid, not wanting to upset her any further. But as soon as the words left his mouth, Cora burst into tears again and she hid her face in the crook of his neck.

"Oh Robert," she mumbled between sobs, "I was horrible. I'm probably the worst mother ever. Oh, they'll hate me forever."

"No, darling. You're the best mother to our girls, and they're lucky to have you. And I'm sure they'll forgive you – they love you too much not to."

"Oh, do you really think so?" She lifted her head and stared into his eyes earnestly.

"Yes, my dear. But what is troubling you so? I know you wouldn't have done that if something wasn't bothering you. Won't you tell me?"

"Oh, Robert. I..I…I just missed you so much that my heart feels like it's gone when you're not here. Everything reminds me of you, except you're not here. And I…sometimes I wonder how I'll be able to cope day after day with you gone."

Robert, feeling his guilt shred his heart to pieces, pulled her head close to his heart as he placed loving kisses at the crown of her head.  
"Oh darling, why did you never tell me so? You could have written to me about this. I would have come home for you."

"Well, I…I wanted to, but after last Christmas, I knew how guilty you felt when you were home and your men were still out there fighting. I didn't want you to cause you any guilt. And I didn't want to bother you, to make you think I was too weak."

"Oh, Cora. I'm so sorry. I never should have yelled at you. I was being selfish. I only thought of myself, and I never thought about how you or the girls were feeling. And I don't think you're weak, not now, not ever. You are the strongest person I know, and I wouldn't be able to live without you. And I do miss you, I miss you so, so much. I hope you'll forgive me for being a fool. I promise you I'll make it up to you."

"Oh, Robert! Of course I forgive you. You may be a fool, but you're my fool and that's all that matters."


End file.
